On Civil Unions

The Democratic contenders for the presidency almost all agreed that having civil unions with all the rights and benefits of marriage, but not the same name, was an appropriate solution.

Each and every one of them is a shameful coward.

Henceforth, all Americans with a skin albedo less than an amount to be determined later will have the name of their citizenship changed to "Black Citizen". After all, as long as they have the same rights and privileges, it doesn't matter what they're called.

All Americans with pronounced sinister tendencies will be re-classified as "Left-Handed Citizens".

And if your BMI is greater than 30, all your official papers will have the title "Obese Citizen" appended. You may go to a court with notarized affidavits from two physicians at least one year apart certifying a lower BMI in order to be reinstated as a "Real Citizen", but why would you want that?

And the citizenship of anyone holding an elected office will be changed to "Noble Citizen".

On Civil Unions

The Democratic contenders for the presidency almost all agreed that having civil unions with all the rights and benefits of marriage, but not the same name, was an appropriate solution.

Each and every one of them is a shameful coward.

Henceforth, all Americans with a skin albedo less than an amount to be determined later will have the name of their citizenship changed to "Black Citizen". After all, as long as they have the same rights and privileges, it doesn't matter what they're called.

All Americans with pronounced sinister tendencies will be re-classified as "Left-Handed Citizens".

And if your BMI is greater than 30, all your official papers will have the title "Obese Citizen" appended. You may go to a court with notarized affidavits from two physicians at least one year apart certifying a lower BMI in order to be reinstated as a "Real Citizen", but why would you want that?

And the citizenship of anyone holding an elected office will be changed to "Noble Citizen".