There must be a joke...

[dsrtao]

...involving a suicide hotline. When you call, you get:

- friendly advice on how to kill yourself.

Comments

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

With menu selections for preferred methods. "Press 1 if you favor pills."

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

"Suicide Helpline: how may we help you?"

"Noose didn't snap your neck? Please hang on while I research your question."

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Friendly -- or perhaps brutally motivating for those suffering a motivation crisis. "Get off that bridge! Your life isn't going to end itself, y'know!"

I think it'd make a good alt-reality story if there were some profit motive for the hotline in people dying on time.